To get my blog for writers and readers going I will start by offering some advice (don’t worry, this isn’t going to happen often – but I’ve got to start somehow).
Some years ago I was commissioned to give social workers refresher training on writing case records and reports. They were a strong-minded, free-spirited bunch, who were clearly very busy with their caseloads and took all training imposed by ‘the management’ from so-called experts with hefty pinches of salt.
In the end I decided only shock tactics were going to tempt them away from multi-tasking on phone and laptop instead of paying any attention to anything I had to say. (Bit like writers, eh?)
Here are four bits of the ‘advice’ I offered:
- Never write one sentence when you can say the same thing in over two paragraphs or, even better, two pages. Readers have all the time in the world to soak themselves in your sea of words
- Never come to a conclusion based on what you have just written – keep the readers guessing to the end, and beyond.
- Use apostrophe’s arbitrarily, like when its a contraction of two words, or a belonging word as in ‘the mothers alcohol problem.’ Readers like mystery and suspense.
- Never chek yor spleling or grammer – let your words arrive on the page in a three flo. Readers understand you have better things to do than edit your own work.
Follow these four simple rules and you are guaranteed to stir the emotions of your readers whatever the subject matter. Whether they will give your oeuvre a five star review at the end (always supposing they get that far) is a different matter altogether.